Bonus Thoughts

I don’t think people talk enough about how exhausting it is to think this much. Not normal thinking, but the kind where one small situation turns into a full mental production with multiple outcomes, backup plans, emotional reactions, and at least one unnecessary worst-case scenario, all before anything has actually happened.

For example, someone sends a short text. Just “Okay.” That’s it. And now I’ve somehow created six different interpretations of what that could mean. Are they mad? Are they busy? Did I say something weird three days ago that is just now becoming a problem? Should I follow up? No, don’t follow up, that looks desperate. But what if not following up makes it worse? And now I’m analyzing the tone of a one-word response like it’s a legal document, while the other person probably sent it while walking into a store and hasn’t thought about it once since.

That’s the part that really gets me, the imbalance. I’ve emotionally processed an entire situation that the other person is not even aware exists. I’ve had a beginning, middle, and end. They’ve had a moment. It’s also interesting how quickly overthinking escalates. It never stays small. It starts with something simple, and within minutes I’m questioning my personality, my decisions, and my general approach to life, all from one interaction. Which feels unnecessary, but also somehow automatic. I’ve tried to stop doing it, and that doesn’t work, because the second I notice I’m overthinking, I start overthinking the fact that I’m overthinking. Why am I like this? Is this normal? Should I be more relaxed? How do people just… not do this? And now I’m three layers deep into a problem that didn’t exist to begin with.

At this point, I think my brain just likes having something to do. It doesn’t really matter what. If there’s no actual problem, it will create one just to stay active, which is impressive, but also unnecessary. The worst part is that none of the scenarios I come up with are usually accurate. I’ll spend all this time analyzing, preparing, and adjusting, and then the actual outcome is something completely simple, something I never even considered. So all that thinking ends up being completely unhelpful. But will that stop me next time? No. Absolutely not. Because in the moment, it always feels important. Like this time, the overthinking is justified, this time it’s useful, this time I’m finally going to think my way into clarity. I won’t, but I will try again.